Oh Christmas Tree

The focal point of my Christmas decorations has always been a cheap, ugly artificial tree.  I hate putting the thing up, and I hate taking it down.  This year I decided to do something different.  I bought a bundle of evergreens labeled "treetops," and when I opened the bundle, sure enough, that's exactly what it was: seven tops of evergreen trees. I placed each one in a jar of water and scattered them around the house.  

But looking at these treetops got me thinking.  Where were the bottoms?  Were they standing in a field somewhere headless?  What a disgraceful way for a pine tree to celebrate the season!  What I learned, when I researched online, was that trimming an evergreen is a difficult task to do correctly.  When the top of the evergreen is removed, you expose the tree to pests and disease and off balance their "root-to-shoot" ratio.  This was not a pleasant thought.  After lying in bed wondering about the fates of these trees, it occurred to me that perhaps the trees chosen to be topped off were the ones destined to become wreaths.  The idea of the entire tree being mutilated did not bother me in the least.  That is, until I stumbled upon Chris Green's poem.

Christmas Tree Lots

BY Chris Green 

Christmas trees lined like war refugees,

a fallen army made to stand in their greens.

Cut down at the foot, on their last leg,

they pull themselves up, arms raised.

We drop them like wood;

tied, they are driven through the streets,

dragged through the door, cornered

in a room, given a single blanket,

only water to drink, surrounded by joy.

Forced to wear a gaudy gold star,

to surrender their pride,

they do their best to look alive.

So here is what I've learned about Christmas decorating.  Stay away from Chris Green.  Not a problem; he lives in Chicago.  Do not think of trees as sentient beings.  And never--ever--become so desperate that you seek help from an online garden forum.   These people are brutal.  (If you're good with voices and feeling a little silly, read the forum out loud to a friend.  It's pure comedy.  I've included some of my favorite lines at the end of the post.)

Here is the question that started it all:

I have several 30' tall pine trees (Jeffrey Pine or other similar looking species) around my house. The yard has too much shade and needles from them.  I want to top them off at half of the height and trim them to increase the sun light through the trees. But I DO NOT want to harm NOR significantly disfigure the trees.Any comments or suggestions are very much appreciated.

Thank you very much in advance.

Richard

You said, "But I DO NOT want to harm NOR significantly disfigure the tress.  IN MY HUMBLE OPINION YOU ARE HARMING THEM AND DISFIGURING THESE TRESS.  If you don't like them,,,get rid of them...period...needle fall is normal for pines....Nothing went wrong......Why torture and maim a tree...just get over the guilt and replace it with things that please you....

Ken

And later when someone asks a closely related question.....

You had ALL the branches trimmed off?? As in there are none left? Yes, you have effectively killed the tree. Call your tree guy back and have him finish the job by cutting down the naked truck. Tacking on a separate posting to an existing (as well as rather stale) thread is not considered good 'Netiquette and often results with the late post/query being overlooked. Next time try starting your own thread for your questions. It's easy - just follow the directions. Gardengal48

Read more at:

http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/conif/msg1014232124533.html